Break Up Advice; Do it right.

Break Up Advice; How to break up the right way.

(Poly-minded!)

Our break up advice today will cover how to break up with someone the right way, how to let them down easy without tormenting them about their feelings and lastly to hopefully try to salvage some sort of friendship after the breakup. There is plenty of dating advice online about how to make a relationship work, but there isn’t much about how to break up the right way. Both my partner and I have been on the receiving end of breakups and on the giving end of breakups. We have seen how terrible some people are at breaking up and felt the heartache of being told the relationship is over despite an amazing previous date. We have both been in tears clinging to each other over a lost love or the horrible feeling of having to break up with someone after a bad first date if they were into you, but it wasn’t reciprocated on your end.

When dealing with having to break up with someone, it’s best to approach this person alone. Don’t bring other partners into the scene; this is between you and them. Additional partners make things much more complex from our experience because group dynamics tend to be different than relationships one on one.

Is the break up needed?

One of the first things you need to ask yourself “Is this relationship really over?” Once you have determined the relationship is done, you will want to figure out what kind of connection you wish to still have with the person. (We’d like to make a point here that just because you’d like to still have some sort of connection with someone, doesn’t mean they want the same. Be sure of what you want, but aware that they may not want the same thing back) Our break up advice can’t help you figure out if you want to still see the person, maintain a friendship, or just simply move on. That is something only you can decide. Ask yourself these questions: Is the relationship over? If yes, do you still want a friendship? What kind of dynamic do you want to have with this person after the relationship is over? The last question is simple; is a breakup needed or is a simply request for change of relationship dynamics needed?

Time to break up.

You have come to the conclusion you must breakup with this person for whatever reason it may be. Let’s focus on the simplest type of breakup first; first date fail. You went on your first date with this person and it was terrible or you just weren’t feeling it; there was no connection. The other person seemed into you, and appeared to be having a good time, but you felt disconnect. You know you need to break it off with this person but you doubt they will be expecting it. What do you do? How do you break it off?

First date fail break up advice

The first thing you need to keep in mind is that the other person likes you and wants to continue the relationship. Perhaps they told you this – maybe they didn’t, our break up advice can’t tell you this. Either way, they were into the date; you weren’t. If at the end of the date you are sure that you just weren’t into it, try to be kind, but blunt then and there. Don’t leave them assuming a second date is coming. It’s not always easy to say, but it saves a lot of heartache and grief in the end . You don’t have to sit down with them and explain things in detail. We like having a simple line like;

“I’m going to be straight with you, I’m just not feeling it between us. We have a lot in common and you’re a really cool person, but I just didn’t feel a connection. It’s just not the dynamic I’m looking for right now.”

Something along these lines immediately shows that you are coming to them and being honest. At this point if you’d like to still hang out as friends, you can request that if they seem receptive, but if it’s done, just be done. Don’t lead them on. It’s not fair to anyone.

If you have already ended the date on a positive note, but have decided in the light of day that it just isn’t working for you, we recommend contacting them and telling them exactly how you feel as soon as you are sure. We rarely condone breaking up over text/email, (something more personal is vastly preferred) However, if it was a first date with little  communication/connection before, texting is usually less frowned upon in this instance.

Been dating a while break up

One of the most difficult breakups is when the emotional connection was strong between two people at one time or still is currently. If love is still deeply felt on one side of the relationship, it can exponentially make this situation much more difficult. You will want to approach this situation with caution, because as far as break up advice goes; have this conversation in person as soon as you are aware of the feelings.

“Would you want someone leading you on? How would you feel if someone was with you only because they didn’t know how to end it? Take it from us; communication is key. If you are feeling emotional disconnect chances are they feel it too and will be receptive to change in one form or another.”

Call or text them you would like to get together. Keep the date simple – go out for a coffee. Going out to eat somewhere, fancy or cheap, is generally not a good idea either as far as break up advice goes. Would you want to be tied to the rest of an awkward dinner after you just got broken up with? After you get together with your partner be sure to put everything on the table; tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them your relationship needs and how they aren’t being met. Be sure to bring up any needs you are unable to provide to them as well. Within polyamorous relationships breakups are less about needs not being met and more about the connection involved with the person. However, a bad connection within any sort of relationship is generally worth talking about at this time.

“A great piece of break up advice is to be sure to tell them where you would like to see your relationship with this person to go. Whether you would prefer to go from a deep loving relationship to something a bit more casual or from a casual relationship to just friends, make sure to tell them your wants and expectations. Walking away from a break up is difficult, so take our break up advice and think about where you want things to go!”

If you and your partner are dating another couple and things just aren’t working out with them, be sure to sit down as a group and talk together. If the group dynamic doesn’t support open communication between all four partners, we recommend stepping away in two sets and talking, then sitting down together and discussing where everyone would like the relationship to go. A similar option exists for triads except everyone sits down together and discusses options, feelings and emotions. Be sure not leave anybody out and everyone’s thoughts are heard. Fortunately most break up advice found online can be applied to polyamory and general non-monogamy.

“One of the most important things to remember when breaking up with someone is to keep things simple. Bringing up details about hurt and pain causes frustration and anger, although be prepared to give an example of why the relationship is not working. Nobody wants to walk away from a relationship and be unsure of why it failed. Who likes resentment? We sure don’t. We want to keep the mood as light and open as possible so best case a friendship can be preserved.”

Final break up advice

Texting and talking on the phone can cause more drama than it’s worth. Be careful with texting because one wrong word can bring even a good relationship to its knees. Can you imagine how one wrong word could destroy any hope for a friendship during a breakup? Try not to do it. In case we haven’t mentioned it… texting a breakup is disrespectful to all parties involved!

Sit down with your partner, tell them how you are feeling, tell them what you are looking for and be prepared to answer some difficult questions.

Online Dating Tips #1; Profile Creation

Online Dating Tips #1: Profile Creation

The first step into online dating begins the same way for everyone. All men and women online start by finding a good dating website that fits the style of relationship they are looking for. Read our review on dating websites here.  A few things to keep in mind when reading our article on profile creation is to always be honest with yourself first and never put out too much information about yourself too early. Fluffing your profile to appear to be someone you aren’t or someone you wish you were doesn’t help anybody, especially on the first date!

Dating Profile Text

Your profile is a direct reflection of who you are. Everyone always say first impressions last forever, well, in this case they do. Your opening paragraph and your picture will be the deciding factor if the reader reads the rest of your profile.

“Consider this; you go to someone’s profile and notice they have a pretty boring profile riddled with spelling errors and bad grammar.  Their profile image is a picture of literally just abs taken from a mobile phone in front of a mirror. You get the general feeling this person just doesn’t care about anything.”

After reading a profile like this, you probably will be a bit turned off by the person, if not immediately hitting the back button on your browser. When writing your profile, be sure to try to portray yourself like you are in person. This meaning, if you are fun and bubbly, say so! If you get excited about certain things, talk like you are excited. Explanation points, smiley faces and detailed explanations can help portray your thoughts quite well.

Profile activities

The best dating tip for your profile summary and activities section is going to be simply be honest. You will want to be sure you list not only the things you enjoy doing, but the things you enjoy doing with your potential new partner. One thing such as “I enjoy being alone,” really doesn’t help anybody. That’s great you like your alone time, but it’s not necessarily something you will be doing with your potential new partner. You have only a limited amount of time to captivate the viewer and irrelevant information such as this simply wastes valuable time. Focus on group activities such as board games, cycling, hiking, camping, etc. This will give the viewer something to talk about if their interests match yours!

The more activities you list, the better – to a certain extent. Nobody wants to read 50 different activities and a summary of each.

Keep it short and sweet. Less than 15 activities at the most does great for most profiles.

Profile summary

Your summary section, usually near the top of your profile, is generally the first thing people will be reading. Keeping this section short is key, and keep it interesting. Your visitors aren’t looking for a full record of your life, but a general overview of who you are as a person. I generally like to use this section to describe my personality and a general overview of what I enjoy doing. A light mention of what you do for a living is also appropriate here as well.

Dating Profile Images

Tied for the first thing people will look at on your dating profile on the website is your profile image. Make sure your face is clearly visible and showing some sort of emotion. An emotionless face is a dead face. Its boring and a huge turn off to most people, men and women alike. People date other people to bring interest, fulfill needs and add another layer to their life.

If you are doing something like, say, stare at a wall. People will hit that back button faster than you can blink.

Get a picture of you doing something you enjoy, or more importantly something that your partner would enjoy doing with you. Remember to play off your positives. If you are amazing at crafting; take a picture of yourself crafting something interesting. If you are great at video gaming, get a picture of you kicking someone’s butt at a video game! There are plenty of options and taking a picture of your abs, or you just staring straight at the camera without emotion is going to kill your dating profile even if it is perfect besides the picture.

 Coming Soon – Part 2: Sending the first message!

Online Dating Tips #2: Sending the First Message

Online Dating Tips #2: Sending the First Message

Online dating tips. The internet is bloated with them, but here’s our take. Sending the first message is difficult for most people, especially because it can be hard to find the right words to say when it comes to online dating. Our online dating tips guide will help you send your first message effectively with the highest chance of a reply. This step two; sending the first message is always directly after you create a good profile. While many guys or girls go with something simple, one line, maybe two with a generic invitation to respond few people actually put forth the effort to create a great first message. The difference between a decent first message and a great first message when online dating is the difference between receiving a reply back or not. While millions of first messages are being sent to people back and forth every day, creating a great first impression in that message is a must. My wife and I each have a profile on many different dating websites, with the amount of messages we each receive each day, we only reply back to maybe one. That’s one message that stood out among 20-30 messages every day. When formulating your first message, be sure it stands out from the crowd. Ask yourself, “What sets my message apart?” or “Would I respond to a message like this?” We have talked about this lightly in the past when we gave pointers on how to use OkCupid when polyamorous. This review is going to work best with websites such as OkCupid, FriendFinder or AdultFriendFinder.

Common First (failed) Messages

These are real messages sent by real people. We went through our past 5 years of messages and created this top 20 list of “failed” messages. Here’s what not to do when sending your first message.

  • Hey
  • Whats up
  • Hi
  • Hello
  • Hey there
  • Ur hot
  • You are beautiful
  • Wanna talk

Let’s talk about these for a moment. If this is as much effort that is going to be put into a first message, why would the receiver want to respond to something like one of these? Would you respond to a message like one of those? Probably not. So these are obvious no-nos. Let’s get a little bit deeper into the minds of some people out there that put forth a little bit more effort, but still, not enough.

  • Good morning (or good afternoon)
  • Love your smile
  • Good morning. I like what i read and saw so far on your profile. You sound fun, straight to the point, and real. Hoping we can converse sometime. Hit me up when ya can.
  • Hey, I’ve got a question for you. What do you think of Cincinnati? Do you like it?
  • Good morning how are you doing this morning

So these few people have put forth a bit more effort, but still, not even enough effort set them apart. Any of these messages could be sent to literally anybody on OkCupid, meaning, the profile was more than likely not read.

Physical Appearance in a First Message

Usually mentioning someone’s appearance in a first message on an online dating website is a bad idea. This portrays the idea that you are focused upon the receivers physical attraction rather than who they are as a person. On a swingers website, it would be appropriate to immediately mention someone’s physical appearance in the first message, however, on a dating website, where emotional connections are key; bad idea. Any hint of mentioning physical attraction in a first message is an immediately delete between my wife and I. I can honestly say any messages I’ve ever sent (even really good ones) have never gone through if there is mention of someone’s beauty or physical attraction on the first message. The earliest you would want to mention anything closely related to physical attraction would be on the 5th or 6th message, assuming you have already introduced yourself and received the other person’s name. Receiving a person’s name in return to your introduction generally can lead to a more intimate, yet casual discussion.

Location in First Messages

Beware of requesting or mentioning specific locations within a first message as well. As a matter of fact, generally keep this out of the conversation for at least the first few hours unless there is an immediate connection. Asking someone for their location raises red flags in their mind related to robbery or rape. There have been plenty of issues in the past with online dating so people are cautious now even though most of the time both people have good intentions. Generally on a dating website you will know what city the person is in, that will be enough information to know they are somewhat nearby. Getting any more detail than that is pointless until you are ready to ask them out on a date. Even if at this point they are ready to go out with you, they will more than likely still not want to give out their home location.

How to Create a Good First Message

Now that we have talked about a few of the big things not to say, let’s talk about what you should say and how you should say it! First you must read their profile and take mental notes of activities you both connect on. Movies, tv shows, even video games or food can be terrible things to mention in a first message. Lets say you both seem to like corn. Great. So does everybody else. That won’t separate you message from other messages. Focus on something that will set your message apart. What do you two really connect on? Say a specific craft, a festival, a location, or perhaps a unique activity. These are all great first things to mention in a first message because the conversation can easily be picked up and talked about from there. If you went with corn – how much can be said about corn? A lot, but probably nothing too terribly interesting (no bash against corn…heh. I like corn.). Looking over their profile, try to find a topic that hardly anybody else has asked them about. While you can’t create a question like this with 100% accuracy, do your best to ask something out of the ordinary.

Create a Need for Response

Why would someone want to respond to your message? Just because you two both have an activity you can enjoy together doesn’t immediately warrant a response. Create a question that follows suit with the activity you are talking about that you both connect on. Now just because it’s a question doesn’t mean there is a need for response, just a request for a response. To create a need for response you must first couple emotions with the question, then add some sort of urgency to the question. We cover emotions in the next section and we talked about the question above, so let’s cover how to add urgency to the question.

“Did you see the ending scores for today’s game!? Wow! It’s unbelievable.” Create a question. Add urgency. Apply emotion.

Something that is urgent is typically something that is needed to be done within a certain time frame, say 7pm, when the sun sets. Asking someone what the sunset looked like today from where they lived adds a sense of urgency to the question. The person must think about what they saw, what time it was, describe it and tell it to you. That’s a lot of things to think about all at once, however, it draws readers in! For me, creating a need for response works nearly every time in getting a reply back from the first message. This thought can be applied to nearly any question with enough thought behind it.

Emotions Behind the Message

Generally you will want to open with a Hey there! Hello! Or Hi! Try to sound excited and fun. Nobody wants to talk to a boring, depressed mopey pants. Have some kind of energy, even if it is just one little smiley face at the end of your message. Let’s compare two messages. Which would you respond to?

Hey there! I saw on your profile you are really into Football and enjoy martial arts as well. That’s awesome! I am a black belt in taekwondo and enjoy watching Football on TV. The Bengals are my favorite, their defense is amazing. I typically find myself grabbing pizza after games. Papa Johns is the best! Tell me, who is your team? :)

Hey there. I saw on your profile you are really into Football and enjoy martial arts as well. I am a black belt in taekwondo and enjoy watching Football on TV. The Bengals are my favorite, their defense is amazing. I typically find myself grabbing pizza after games. Papa Johns is the ok. Tell me, who is your team?

Can you sense the difference between the two first messages? Who sounds more excited to meet you? Read on with our dating tips guide to learn more about what to incorporate into your first message.

Comedy

Our online dating tips guide would be incomplete without mentioning the effectiveness of a joke. Everybody loves a good laugh. If you can somehow work a good line into the first message, all the better. Be careful what you joke about however, you could end up accidentally insulting them and blowing the whole thing no matter how good the rest of your message is!

Writing the Message

Try to use correct English, grammar and spelling. While most people don’t mind a few errors, it would really suck to have that first message be a complete failure because you misspelled something obvious or was using internet speak shortening words. One thing that should be mentioned is copying and pasting messages. They are pretty obvious (unless you are good. If you stay with me to the end of this post, I’ll tell you a funny story) as they are pretty generalized to work for every girl, and most people can spot them from a mile away. Keep in mind, try to focus on the other person whenever talking online. It can be hard to read people by just text, but if you truly focus on trying to learn more about the other person and actually have the want to know about them, it will show!

Most importantly over all the ideas above, try to be interesting! Anyone can overlook a few spelling errors or a lack of emotion, but if someone is boring and bland… it will end a conversation before it even starts. So – be interesting! None of these online dating tips will do much without doing this!

Generic Messages Copy/Paste Funny Time

This would be a great dating tip, but hey, I said I would tell you a funny story if you got to the end, so here we go. When I was living in Cincinnati over 5 years ago, I was online dating. I was using Craigslist at the time and as you may or may not know, Craigslist has a lot of spam. I ended up seeing a few people after several weeks of sending messages, however, at the very end I decided to just send out a Copy & Paste email to everybody on there. I figured why not. So I did, then I met up with this lady whom 4 months later I married.

All things said above, Copying and Pasting can be a pretty bad way to go about doing online dating, but it worked for me, and I’m happy, so I can’t bash it too hard. :)

Free Polyamory Dating Websites

Free Polyamory Dating Websites; by niche

One question we are asked a lot is: “Where can I meet other polyamorous people online?” Well. Read this and you’ll know!

What kind of a polyamory dating website are you looking for?

There are many different websites out there that are great for different niches. There are swinger websites, but they wouldn’t be good for a couple looking to develop a long term relationship with another couple. There are websites for singles such as eHarmony that is great if you are single and looking, but couples can’t even create a profile. There are also many websites out there that are great, but cost money to get going. We’ll keep that a factor in our reviews as well.

Let’s get started shall we?

Couples Seeking Couples | Triads seeking more | Quads seeking more

A great way to find other couples is by creating a joint profile on OkCupid. I’m sure you’ve heard this answer before, but its obvious; its a good website to find and date other couples on! Learn more about OkCupid and it’s advanced features at finding other polyamorous people by clicking the link below. We recommend picking up A-List for a month if you want to get better features. It certainly makes finding other couples an easier process!

Craiglist is free and very easy to find couples in your area by going to the appropriate section of the forums area. We don’t highly recommend Craigslist only because of the sheer amount of spam there. However, Craigslist can be good for finding polyamorous couples simply because its simple to navigate and its 100% free.

Kupple.com is great because you can create a profile as a couple, and its targeted at couples. This is where OkCupid loses points and Kupple gains points. You and your partner can have a couple profile with sections dedicated to each of you!

Singles, Couples, Triads, Quads and more seeking Swingers

Kasidie.com is a great website for any size of group, or single person wanting to swing with people local to their area. Boasting millions of members, active forums, high quality life chat, and a great membership searching area, Kasidie.com is a great place to start for anybody wanting to swing! In addition to swinging, there is erotica, sexy areas, clubs near you as well as a swingers party area. We highly recommend this site!

Swinging can run with polyamory and can be difficult to find a good website that really focuses on this aspect of the lifestyle if the group so desires. My wife and I have used swingles.com and love it. It allows for a brief introduction of the couple and what they are looking for. It also has an area for several photos, although a bit smaller than we would have liked. Filtering on swingles is great because it seems like there are always a lot of people there. The email side of this website is a bit spammy as every time we log in to the website our inbox is literally packed with invites to local swinger parties, which we don’t normally attend.

AdultFriendFinder.com is another great website for finding a hot night with other singles or groups. The website does have a large portion available for VIP members only, which we have had great success with!

Swapfinder.com is great for swinging, although our use of the website was brief because there was not too many people that have been on recently. There were many more people on swingles.com rather than this. Perhaps this website in your area may be better, so check it out!

I should at least mention fetlife.com as well. It’s not necessarily a dating website, but can be used lightly for dating. This is more along the sexual side of things, however, it is widely used across the nation and you will definitely find groups close by with this!

Practicing Polyamory; Values

Polyamory & Values

Polyamory has received much criticism for having low values, and often misunderstood as a way to basically cheat on a partner and everyone be alright with it. We know this is a complete fabrication of reality and polyamory is much deeper than simply just sex. Polyamory has just as much, if not more, values than a more traditional monogamy relationship has. Lets look at the different values polyamorous groups have.

Polyamory: Fidelity and Loyalty

Monogamy generally defines fidelity as committing ones self sexually and relationally to one partner at any one time. Polyamory, however, is very similar because rather than simply just having one partner, there is more than just one as a possibility. We generally define fidelity as being 100% honest and with open communication as well as having respect for each other and their relationships involved. Some people generally prefer to note loyalty rather than fidelity and honoring agreements between partners no matter how many. We that practice polyamory define this as being able to rely on each others support, presence and care.

Rather than basing fidelity on the sexual side of things that much of monogamy notes, we base our commitment off of trust and honesty.

Polyamory Trust, Honesty, Respect and Dignity

We practice polyamory with a complete open honesty agreement. Rather than saying hey, don’t ask me and I won’t tell you, we go with going in to detail and making sure everything is on the table as far as emotions, conflicts, and issues arise. When a detail is left out, that detail could cause massive amounts of drama and unneeded insecurity issues. Personally I like details, but that’s just me.

We always are completely honest to everyone involved in our relationship, even to a fault if it must be. When you are open and honest about everything, and you know your partners are aware of what is going on whether it be with a new relationship or an accident, makes conflicts and issues much simpler to remedy. We respect and honor each other and the relationships involved.

Dignity comes into play with polyamory because it is a key to supporting each other and not undermining each others relationships. We do not use relationships to harm each other or other parties involved.

Negotiation and Communication in Polyamory

Polyamory is a widely recognized term, but I can honestly say that it is often misinterpreted or thought of differently. When I was new to polyamory, I had difficulty grasping the differences between an open relationship and swinging. There are differences, and each person we come across has a slightly different view than we do. This being said, when we meet new potential partners we talk with them to ensure they are on the same page with us as far as our rules, boundaries, communication and honesty goes.

If there is a conflict of rules, there is negotiation as an option with all parties involved. Lets say I can’t make it to meeting my secondary partner’s primary, yet I have always told my primary that I will be home at 6pm. My secondary partner’s primary gets off work at 6pm. With open communication and negotiation we may be able to come to a compromise.

Polyamory; Creating Boundaries & Rules

Getting Intimate with Boundaries and Rules

One of the first steps that need to be done in any polyamorous relationship is sitting down with your partner or partners and creating boundaries and rules. For polyamory to be comfortable for everyone, everyone must be open and honest with each other about what makes them uncomfortable and what their needs are for the relationship.

Discussing Insecurities Openly

Sit down with your partners, grab a pencil and paper. Discuss with each other what actions make each other feel insecure. When we did this the first time we ended up with a very long list spanning several pages of different insecurities we each had. One insecurity we had discussed was sex with other people in our bed in our home. We noted this as an insecurity, then moved on. Be sure to note all your insecurities and anything that makes each other uncomfortable. Whether its not having your partner with you at night or physical intimacy around each other, all are valid insecurities. There is not one single insecurity that is invalid. Be sure to be 100% honest even if there is a tiny bit of insecurity – talk about it openly. Your other partners may have a similar feeling. Small insecurities can lead to a snapping point or bring frustration into a relationship.

Insecurities to Rules

Now that you and your partners have a list of insecurities listed, talk about each insecurity and why you or them feel that way. Talk about how those insecurities can either be resolved or worked into a rule. If your partner wants to never fall asleep alone at night, maybe it will be a rule that you are home at a certain time every night or perhaps you fall asleep with them but after they are asleep you may go out with one of your other partners. There are many ways to come to a conclusion with every rule that works for everybody. If an insecurity seems like its stupid and ridiculous, try not to stress out about it. All feelings are valid, and over time many of these rules will be either removed or reworked as feeling change and everyone becomes more comfortable in the relationship.

Evolving Feelings and Emotions

Over time feelings will change, people involved within the relationship will become comfortable and rules may need to be reworked. When we created a rule to not have sex with other partners in our bed we talked about it months later and decided there was still some insecurities there, but not nearly to the same intensity that it was before. We reworked the rule to only have sex with our respective partners on our personal side of the bed, then weeks later removed the rule completely as we became even more comfortable with everything.

So what’s the key?

The key to all rules and bounderies within any polyamorous relationship is 100% honesty and communication. If all insecurities are covered, there leaves little room for frustration. Remember – even if there is a small insecurity, talk about it and come to a conclusion! Your partners want you to be comfortable, happy and satisfied within the relationship, so talk to them.

Is Polyamory for me?

Is Polyamory for me?

Asking if polyamory is for you or if maybe a different relationship style is for you is entirely up to…well, you. However, some insight into polyamory and all the different variances of polyamory can be helpful. We highly recommend checking out our page detailing some of the more popular variances of polyamory here. After you have found that there is actually quite a bit of different ways for polyamory to work, you will start to understand that there is many different rules and boundaries that are specific to each person involved in the polyamorous relationship. This allows for a much more fluid form of relationship rather than a monogamous relationship where entering into a single partner lifestyle can be quite restricting.
<href=”http://polyadventures.com/polyamory-resources/what-is-polyamory/”>What is Polyamory? Popular variances.

Is one enough?

Where monogamy revolves around the idea that one person is enough to satisfy another person in entirety from intimate sexual acts to enjoying time and activities together. Polyamory, however, is open to new people entering into the relationship with just one other person, two people or even a small community! If you find yourself falling in love with multiple people and are able to have your needs met by multiple partners, then polyamory may be for you. Lets say person A dates person B. Person A wants to explore BSDM, however, person B is not willing to engage in that sort of activity or does not interest him/her. With polyamory, person A and B can be in a solid relationship, yet person A may have their other needs met by a new person C.

If you find yourself wanting to simply have sex with multiple partners, but without the commitment, swinging may be for you. Perhaps you and your partner will swap partners with other couples. Another option is possibly simply opening up your relationship and allowing for side relationships to form, but still having each other as primaries within the relationship.

Polyamory is too strict. Nothing interests me.

The great thing about polyamory is the open mindedness to welcome change! We involved in a polyamorous relationship want all of our partners to be happy and content within the relationships we’ve built for them. This means that rules and boundaries may be put into place to help one other through either difficult times or to bring the polyamorous relationship full circle. Polyamory is not strict at all, and there are so many variances outside of the many different recognized types already noted.

Polyamory Resources

Polyamory Forums

Polyamory Forums Review

This is our review of active polyamory forums. With the internet being swamped with more and more polyamory forums every day with webmasters in the hope of gathering traffic to their website or honestly trying to find a good niche, we have done our research to find the most active, helpful and friendly polyamory forums on the web.

Polyamory.com Forum Review

Polyamory.com is one of the highest populated polyamory forums on the internet with an average of 75 people online at any given time. With nearly a thousand members and a quarter million posts, this polyamorous forum is great for learning more about polyamory, having your questions answered and much more. Polyamory.com also has a wealth of informational links which is helpful for new polyamorous people as well as those who have been in a polyamory relationship for much longer. We give this polyamory forum a thumbs up!

Polyamoryonline.org Forum Review

Polyamoryonline.org has a great polyamory forum within their website which contains a fairly active following of roughly 25 people online during peak times. Boasting over a half million posts, this polyamory forum has been around for a quite a long while with a long lasting core group. While a bit less active than polyamory.com, polyamoryonline.org is another great polyamory forum with helpful, knowledgeable people that are more than friendly! We are active on this forum and highly recommend checking this one out.

Polyamoryplus.com Forum Review

Polyamoryplus.com is a bit smaller forum with a dedicated following. With on average ~15 people online at once, this forum does have a quality following whereas some of the larger, more bloated forums may have more banter.  Polyamoryplus.com generally stays on-subject with fast replies to forum posts. We recommend joining Polyamoryplus.com poly forums in conjunction with joining one of the above polyamory forums as well.

Our Favorite Polyamory Forums

We are most active on the polyamory.com forum solely because we like the group there! We seem to connect with them emotionally and thoroughly enjoy spending time with them. We are also greatly looking forward to meeting a few of the members within polyamory groups near us in Cincinnati. We hope we will see you online in some of these polyamory forums!

Sex and Emotional Connection

Is Sex better with an emotional connection?

Today we will be answering the question; Is sex better with an emotional connection? Now, we can’t speak for other people, however, there have been studies done that show sex is indeed better with an emotional connection. Why? Lets talk about that, but first, let’s look at some statistics from www.self.com.

  • Porn was actually the most popular bedroom booster: 57 percent of survey responders draw their sexual inspiration from porn and 48 percent from books.
  • Nearly two-thirds of respondents believe that the porn industry is actually helping people have better sex.
  • About half of respondents regularly use lubricants, vibrators and other sex toys in bed.
  • To incorporate something new sexually, couples report these top three methods: talking about it while in bed, talking about it in a neutral place outside of the bedroom and first asking one’s partner what he/she wants.
  • Exactly 29 percent of people admit to initiating “dirty talk” through texts and emails while over 60 percent indicate they talk dirty between the sheets. Only 14 percent of respondents claim to never talk dirty.
  • Two-thirds of respondents generally stick to the same 2-4 positions in bed while 27 percent rotate through 5-7 positions and occasionally try new ones.

The top confidence booster in bed? “Being with someone I love” according to respondents who ranked this highest followed by “feeling good about my sexual abilities,” and “when my partner compliments me.”

Lets look at a different survey, from www.yourtango.com

A whopping 96 percent of survey respondents said the best sex is had with someone with whom they are emotionally connected. Similarly, 92 percent of readers say it’s a turn-on when their partner shows some vulnerability, an important part of emotional closeness.

We can clearly see that sex with some sort of emotional connection does seem to beat out just fucking without emotion. While we notice the statistics above mention what enhances sex for people within the bedroom, we can easily see that the last statistic was noted the most as the biggest sexual enhancer between people in bed. So does this mean that sex with emotion is generally better than sex with random people? I believe it may vary between people and what they find sexy. Personally, I enjoy sex much more with some sort of emotional connection as well as physical attraction with the person I’m having sex with.

My Opinion – Sex with Emotions

When I was early on in the experimental phase of polyamory with my wife, I was having sex with a multitude of partners, without having much, if any sort of a connection. One day I had a one night stand with a lady, which she was great in bed, fucking me however I wanted it, and for hours. But since there wasn’t an emotional connection for me, I couldn’t get into it. I couldn’t even finish. I felt bad after sex as well, which has never happened before. I tried an emotionless fucking again shortly after with the same results. I’m confident that sex for me requires some sort of emotional connection to be considered good sex no matter how good in bed the other person may be!

Is sex better for you with an emotional connection? Do you enjoy sex without emotions? Let us know in the comments below!

Polyamory: Dividing Your Love or Multiplying it?

Polyamory & Division of Love

Early on when we were discussing boundaries, the topic of love came up. She asked me what I would think if she fell in love with her boyfriend and how I would feel if she told him she loved him. I immediately felt jealousy rise up within me with the immediate thought of “How dare she love someone else besides me!”. To me, sex was different. She could have sex with guys but when it came to love, it completely caught me off guard. Love is such a deep emotion that requires such an intense connection – at least in my eyes. Love should never be taken lightly, and to me is the pinnacle of  relationship’s connection. I remember sitting in the car talking to her about what my feelings were and why I felt this way, but I couldn’t come up with a reason to justify my insecurities about her falling in love. I recently had finished reading The Ethical Slut (which is an amazing book in and of itself, read our review here) and the book covered this specific issue within society when polyamory is mentioned.

“The more you love, the more you can love — and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.” -Robert Heinlein

Society’s View on Polyamory & Love

When I say society, I mean the general public outside of polyamory. When society criticizes polyamory, they think hey, how can you love more than one person at any one time? Seriously. How is it possible? You find one person you deeply connect with and give them your all. You give them everything you are, and they give you everything they are. You both share with each other 100%. So when you bring in a 3rd or a 4th, you break that 100% down to 50% or 33%. See? You can’t give anybody your 100% if you are splitting up your love.

Society also treats love as a scarce commodity, similar to food, where as in there is a limited supply. Within polyamory, people view love as not being possible to give everyone a full share, because there is a limited amount of the resource available to be given.

Polyamorous View on Love

Now lets switch up the view a bit; lets look from the polyamorous perspective. What does love mean to us? Love is seen as infinite resource, one that is not dwindled by how many we give our love to. We see it as enhancing our love between each other when someone else is brought into the relationship. This isn’t to say polyamorous love can’t be 100% between only two people, because it certainly can!

Let’s look at some examples

Here we have two parents, they have two children, whom they love dearly and would do anything for. Wait. They have two children and they love them both? Hmmm. Interesting right?

Here’s another perspective; I have many friends, all of whom I love. I enjoy spending time with friends, I enjoy doing things with them and I would do just about anything for each of them. Does loving one friend limit another friend’s amount of love received? I think not!