Practicing Polyamory; Values

Polyamory & Values

Polyamory has received much criticism for having low values, and often misunderstood as a way to basically cheat on a partner and everyone be alright with it. We know this is a complete fabrication of reality and polyamory is much deeper than simply just sex. Polyamory has just as much, if not more, values than a more traditional monogamy relationship has. Lets look at the different values polyamorous groups have.

Polyamory: Fidelity and Loyalty

Monogamy generally defines fidelity as committing ones self sexually and relationally to one partner at any one time. Polyamory, however, is very similar because rather than simply just having one partner, there is more than just one as a possibility. We generally define fidelity as being 100% honest and with open communication as well as having respect for each other and their relationships involved. Some people generally prefer to note loyalty rather than fidelity and honoring agreements between partners no matter how many. We that practice polyamory define this as being able to rely on each others support, presence and care.

Rather than basing fidelity on the sexual side of things that much of monogamy notes, we base our commitment off of trust and honesty.

Polyamory Trust, Honesty, Respect and Dignity

We practice polyamory with a complete open honesty agreement. Rather than saying hey, don’t ask me and I won’t tell you, we go with going in to detail and making sure everything is on the table as far as emotions, conflicts, and issues arise. When a detail is left out, that detail could cause massive amounts of drama and unneeded insecurity issues. Personally I like details, but that’s just me.

We always are completely honest to everyone involved in our relationship, even to a fault if it must be. When you are open and honest about everything, and you know your partners are aware of what is going on whether it be with a new relationship or an accident, makes conflicts and issues much simpler to remedy. We respect and honor each other and the relationships involved.

Dignity comes into play with polyamory because it is a key to supporting each other and not undermining each others relationships. We do not use relationships to harm each other or other parties involved.

Negotiation and Communication in Polyamory

Polyamory is a widely recognized term, but I can honestly say that it is often misinterpreted or thought of differently. When I was new to polyamory, I had difficulty grasping the differences between an open relationship and swinging. There are differences, and each person we come across has a slightly different view than we do. This being said, when we meet new potential partners we talk with them to ensure they are on the same page with us as far as our rules, boundaries, communication and honesty goes.

If there is a conflict of rules, there is negotiation as an option with all parties involved. Lets say I can’t make it to meeting my secondary partner’s primary, yet I have always told my primary that I will be home at 6pm. My secondary partner’s primary gets off work at 6pm. With open communication and negotiation we may be able to come to a compromise.

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