Polyamory & Division of Love
Early on when we were discussing boundaries, the topic of love came up. She asked me what I would think if she fell in love with her boyfriend and how I would feel if she told him she loved him. I immediately felt jealousy rise up within me with the immediate thought of “How dare she love someone else besides me!”. To me, sex was different. She could have sex with guys but when it came to love, it completely caught me off guard. Love is such a deep emotion that requires such an intense connection – at least in my eyes. Love should never be taken lightly, and to me is the pinnacle of relationship’s connection. I remember sitting in the car talking to her about what my feelings were and why I felt this way, but I couldn’t come up with a reason to justify my insecurities about her falling in love. I recently had finished reading The Ethical Slut (which is an amazing book in and of itself, read our review here) and the book covered this specific issue within society when polyamory is mentioned.
“The more you love, the more you can love — and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.” -Robert Heinlein
Society’s View on Polyamory & Love
When I say society, I mean the general public outside of polyamory. When society criticizes polyamory, they think hey, how can you love more than one person at any one time? Seriously. How is it possible? You find one person you deeply connect with and give them your all. You give them everything you are, and they give you everything they are. You both share with each other 100%. So when you bring in a 3rd or a 4th, you break that 100% down to 50% or 33%. See? You can’t give anybody your 100% if you are splitting up your love.
Society also treats love as a scarce commodity, similar to food, where as in there is a limited supply. Within polyamory, people view love as not being possible to give everyone a full share, because there is a limited amount of the resource available to be given.
Polyamorous View on Love
Now lets switch up the view a bit; lets look from the polyamorous perspective. What does love mean to us? Love is seen as infinite resource, one that is not dwindled by how many we give our love to. We see it as enhancing our love between each other when someone else is brought into the relationship. This isn’t to say polyamorous love can’t be 100% between only two people, because it certainly can!
Let’s look at some examples
Here we have two parents, they have two children, whom they love dearly and would do anything for. Wait. They have two children and they love them both? Hmmm. Interesting right?
Here’s another perspective; I have many friends, all of whom I love. I enjoy spending time with friends, I enjoy doing things with them and I would do just about anything for each of them. Does loving one friend limit another friend’s amount of love received? I think not!