All Things Sex
Polyamory and sex go together. Well, monogamy and sex go together well too. Hey – relationships and sex just go together. It seems like sex is almost taboo to talk about with partners, especially in front of more than one person. In a polyamorous group it can be even more difficult to talk about due to several combinations of possibilities and generally it just makes people feel uneasy. I personally enjoy talking about sex. Sex is fun, exciting and I simply just love exploring someone’s body… who doesn’t? Below we will be talking about all things sex related. I’ll cover some of our favorite sex products such as sex towels and sex games, talking about sex with your partners and how to become approachable when it comes to talking about sex.
Have you ever heard the song “Let’s talk about sex” by Salt N Pepa? Read the lyrics, especially the chorus. The song is from the guy’s perspective asking a woman why it’s so difficult for her to talk about sex. He want’s to know why it’s so hard, because its all over the media, tv, internet, books, advertising, movies, and the list goes on. If we see sex everywhere, every day, why is it so hard to simply sit down and talk about it?
How to make sex better
At least we are on the same page. Sex is pretty awesome; I agree. However, sex can always be better to a certain degree. You may ask, “What do you mean a certain degree?” Well. I don’t know about you, but after sex with some people they claim they literally cannot take having pleasure be at a higher level. Interesting right? The pinnacle of sex is pleasure of the body coupled with the mind’s perception of what is happening. Let’s go ahead and assume you and your partner(s) are having great sex. However, you want to take it to a whole new level. The first thing that must be done is communicate. I cannot stress it enough, communication is key here. Anybody that has had sex with more than one person can tell you that everybody likes it differently. No two people are the same. This goes for guys too! Not every guy likes his man-junk massaged the same way. Some women like their stuff touched a certain way with a certain amount of pressure in a certain direction. Good luck trying to figure that combo out on your own. It’s like trying to break the safe in a bank by closing your eyes, pressing random buttons and waiting for the safe door to open.
With that being said, if you know what you are doing, you will be able to read the other person’s emotions. What do they like? What do they dislike? Another key point here. Watch them. Don’t stare down at their junk; watch their face and their body. Assuming they aren’t faking it, you will be able to see fairly clearly what they are enjoying verses what they dislike. If you prefer this method over talking to your partner, its a good idea to mention to them before sex to let you know what they really like, or if they greatly dislike something.
How to discuss sex and intimacy
Discussing sex and intimacy with a partner can be difficult. Especially if one of the two people are very shy. One way that I have found that works nearly every time is bringing it up directly after sex. When you and your partner are laying side by side, talk to them. Ask them what they liked or disliked. Be sure to tell them your feelings as well! If you don’t communicate with your partner, they will never know what you like or dislike, so don’t expect change to happen within the bedroom, especially if you are faking having a good time. I once dated a lady for a few weeks in which we had sex on our first date then second date. After the second date she said she was really into me as a person, but sexually I just wasn’t doing it for her. Throughout the entire dating period I kept receiving remarks about how good the sex was, how much she got off and was looking forward to being intimate again. It was a difficult breakup because she wasn’t communicating her needs. I could only go off of what she was saying and what I felt when we were having sex. I read her as her having a good time, so there was little need to change much of anything – so I didn’t.
One reason sex isn’t brought up within relationships is because of a connection issue. If your partner and you are feeling disconnected, chances are neither one of you will feel like talking to each other about sex. Rekindling that flame within the relationship before bringing up sex questions is another great way to break into the touchy conversation. When one of my partners and I are in this situation we like to go out for a nice dinner and discuss how our relationship is going. During this period all electronics are turned off (notify other partners in advance of course) so there are no distractions. Picking up or glancing at your phone during a dinner can seriously cause issues, so turn it off or leave it in the car. If you are having trouble with finding words to say, just ask them how they are feeling about the sex between you and them; don’t be afraid to be blunt. This immediately raises questions on their behalf, so they will take the conversation from there.
Bringing up sexual needs between partners is huge, because sex can be amazing between both people involved. Imagine if your current lover is feeling dissatisfied with your sex with them even though they appear to be having all their needs met. It would suck, plain and simple. Take it from me, talk to your partner, ask them what they like and dislike, ask them what you could change to have it be better for them and be sure to tell them your feelings as well!
Polyamory Q&A, Sex Questions
These are real sex questions asked to us by our readers! Submit yours below.
Q: Sex is great between my secondary partner and I. Weirdly, sex is terrible with my primary after I startd having sex with my secondary. I’ve tried talking to him, but he just doesn’t get it. What do I do?
A: The first thing to remember is that not everybody likes the same kind of sex. What your primary likes in bed is not the same as what your secondary likes. Be sure to communicate with your primary about what they want in bed as well. One thing we have noticed is that after having sex with a new partner, generally actions from ourselves change slightly. Let’s say your primary partner likes soft sex and your secondary partner likes hard sex. With this change, you may generally be more aggressive in bed with your secondary partner and without thinking with your primary partner as well.
The key here is talking to him to find out what the change in sex is and what happened. It may also be the fact that it’s an emotional issue with the fact that you are sleeping with another guy that he does not approve of or likes. If this is the case, we would recommend all three of you sitting down together for a casual meal and getting to know each other. We wish you the best of luck!
Q: We have a quad of four people. We are all four “fluffy” and find it difficult to all be together in the same bed and have sex. We have a king size bed now – are there any other options you guys know about?
A: We have a quad of four people. We are all four “fluffy” and find it difficult to all be together in the same bed and have sex. We have a king size bed now – are there any other options you guys know about?
Q: Where do I purchase sex toys? Hustler Hollywood is so expensive!
We recommend going through eBay. Although Amazon is great, eBay generally has a better selection when it comes to sex toys. Go to Huster Hollywood (or any sex shop), find the toys you like and write the name of them down. When you get home, search for the products on eBay. The prices are roughly about 30% of what they are in sex stores and will have reviews. Reviews are key when it comes to finding good sex toys. Anyone that has purchased sex toys typically knows that much of them are of low quality and break easily. Trust us. Go eBay – read reviews.